The way to go…

The world gets shades darker and the heart sinks to the floor, I can’t even crawl.The echo of my family’s priceless moments, the adorable memories that I will forever hold in my raging regretful heart.

When one surly knows that he caused the death of his family.

The ache.

The sorrow.

The misery.

How can one feel this all at once? 

I knew we could feel, but not this deep…

My breath is not felt no more, my hands in my hair and eyes closed like I’m seeing my worst fear come true and I can’t bare to open my lids.

What a world that makes you feel you’re special but then you grow up and learn that you’re as worthless as broken glass.

A world with fear, hate and rage.

I’m trying to count to ten like my therapist advised me to do, though it does not work.

I start shedding salty droplets but can’t hold it in any longer so I let go and tears fall out of my eyes like my life depended on it.

A few minutes later I sniff and breathe out of my mouth.

Something weird starts to happen, my mind is trying to flashback the beautiful and majestic memories of my irreplaceable family.

My heart rate starts to slow down.

Love doesn’t stop when a special someone is dead, true love is when that love stays in your heart forever.

I smile as I remember my child’s first smile, first word, first steps.

And an angel hits my dead heart.

I am grateful for everything.

I am grateful that i had witnessed such love and happiness.

Even the crazy and sad ones too.

I started to notice the collateral beauty of all of it.

The way their love went through me not in front of me.

I started praying for them.

One does grieve, then shatters.

But should consistently pick up the pieces and put them all together.

Not all of them will get put back again, but if you have one hand on the steering wheel, you can still drive.

Stay strong.

Stay safe.

Stay beautiful…


One thought on “The way to go…

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